Monday, April 11, 2011

Look, ma - no skirt!

Saturday night, I left the house without anything covering my ass.  I mean, I had PANTS on, but nothing over those. No big shirt, no little dress, nothing.

Now, I realize this is not a big deal for a lot of people, but it was for me.  Since I was old enough to have an ass at all, people have been making fun of it.  When I was 6 years old, I was called "fatty" for the first (of many) times.  One afternoon when I was in middle school, a kid yelled, "You have a fat ass!" out of the school bus window as it pulled away.  In my twenties, walking down a Chicago street, a cab driver yelled, "That dress makes your ass look huge!"  So. 


For a very long time, I wore skirts almost every day. When I didn't wear skirts, I wore pants with a big shirt or a big jacket.  This actually worked for me for a while.  I hovered between a 6 and an 8 and could easily hide my "fat ass" with a loose, flowing top.  And when I cinched my 26" waist, I looked pretty fetching.

Then I ballooned way past a 6 or an 8 and wore skirts full time for several years.  A coworker even asked me if I was in that religion where the ladies couldn't wear pants. Then, I went overseas for a school trip a few years ago.  We were going to be doing a lot of walking through marshes and rain and mud - a skirt would not do.  It was then I adopted the short-dress-over-jeans look.  That has been my go-to uniform ever since.

Then, I got cast in this play [Assassins, running through April 16, 2011 at Trustus theatre!] in which I had to wear pants with a top that did not cover my ass.  I was pretty nervous about it.  My ass on display for all to see?!  I mean, there were even a couple of places where my back was to the audience and everything!  Those poor people on the front row!  

Funny thing, though.  I started getting compliments.  People told me I looked good.  They told me I looked thinner.  They told me I should wear pants more.  So, Saturday night, I went to the theatre in black jeans, a black tank and a short jacket that hit me right at the pockets.  The top of the pockets.  

I didn't get laughed at.  Nobody told me I had a fat ass.  Everyone told me I looked great.  I felt pretty great, too. 

I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

7 comments:

  1. Thanks, y'all! I am planning on buying some suitable for viewing pants when I get my Assassins money!

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  2. Go girl! Way to embrace YOU! :)

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  3. This is AWESOME! And you DO look fantastic. Kim makes pants ROCK!!

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  4. I've never understood why strangers feel the need to shout things. Particularly strangers in cars. It's like the anonymity of being in a vehicle gives them permission to be an asshole. I get self-conscious walking down the street, waiting for the next person who shouts "hey, look how fat she is!"

    The moral of the story: people suck. But not you, you're awesome.

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