Saturday night, I left the house without anything covering my ass. I mean, I had PANTS on, but nothing over those. No big shirt, no little dress, nothing.
Now, I realize this is not a big deal for a lot of people, but it was for me. Since I was old enough to have an ass at all, people have been making fun of it. When I was 6 years old, I was called "fatty" for the first (of many) times. One afternoon when I was in middle school, a kid yelled, "You have a fat ass!" out of the school bus window as it pulled away. In my twenties, walking down a Chicago street, a cab driver yelled, "That dress makes your ass look huge!" So.
For a very long time, I wore skirts almost every day. When I didn't wear skirts, I wore pants with a big shirt or a big jacket. This actually worked for me for a while. I hovered between a 6 and an 8 and could easily hide my "fat ass" with a loose, flowing top. And when I cinched my 26" waist, I looked pretty fetching.
Then I ballooned way past a 6 or an 8 and wore skirts full time for several years. A coworker even asked me if I was in that religion where the ladies couldn't wear pants. Then, I went overseas for a school trip a few years ago. We were going to be doing a lot of walking through marshes and rain and mud - a skirt would not do. It was then I adopted the short-dress-over-jeans look. That has been my go-to uniform ever since.
Then, I got cast in this play [Assassins, running through April 16, 2011 at Trustus theatre!] in which I had to wear pants with a top that did not cover my ass. I was pretty nervous about it. My ass on display for all to see?! I mean, there were even a couple of places where my back was to the audience and everything! Those poor people on the front row!
Funny thing, though. I started getting compliments. People told me I looked good. They told me I looked thinner. They told me I should wear pants more. So, Saturday night, I went to the theatre in black jeans, a black tank and a short jacket that hit me right at the pockets. The top of the pockets.
I didn't get laughed at. Nobody told me I had a fat ass. Everyone told me I looked great. I felt pretty great, too.
|I don't think you're ready for this jelly.|