Monday, April 11, 2011

Look, ma - no skirt!

Saturday night, I left the house without anything covering my ass.  I mean, I had PANTS on, but nothing over those. No big shirt, no little dress, nothing.

Now, I realize this is not a big deal for a lot of people, but it was for me.  Since I was old enough to have an ass at all, people have been making fun of it.  When I was 6 years old, I was called "fatty" for the first (of many) times.  One afternoon when I was in middle school, a kid yelled, "You have a fat ass!" out of the school bus window as it pulled away.  In my twenties, walking down a Chicago street, a cab driver yelled, "That dress makes your ass look huge!"  So. 

For a very long time, I wore skirts almost every day. When I didn't wear skirts, I wore pants with a big shirt or a big jacket.  This actually worked for me for a while.  I hovered between a 6 and an 8 and could easily hide my "fat ass" with a loose, flowing top.  And when I cinched my 26" waist, I looked pretty fetching.

Then I ballooned way past a 6 or an 8 and wore skirts full time for several years.  A coworker even asked me if I was in that religion where the ladies couldn't wear pants. Then, I went overseas for a school trip a few years ago.  We were going to be doing a lot of walking through marshes and rain and mud - a skirt would not do.  It was then I adopted the short-dress-over-jeans look.  That has been my go-to uniform ever since.

Then, I got cast in this play [Assassins, running through April 16, 2011 at Trustus theatre!] in which I had to wear pants with a top that did not cover my ass.  I was pretty nervous about it.  My ass on display for all to see?!  I mean, there were even a couple of places where my back was to the audience and everything!  Those poor people on the front row!  

Funny thing, though.  I started getting compliments.  People told me I looked good.  They told me I looked thinner.  They told me I should wear pants more.  So, Saturday night, I went to the theatre in black jeans, a black tank and a short jacket that hit me right at the pockets.  The top of the pockets.  

I didn't get laughed at.  Nobody told me I had a fat ass.  Everyone told me I looked great.  I felt pretty great, too. 

I don't think you're ready for this jelly.


  1. Thanks, y'all! I am planning on buying some suitable for viewing pants when I get my Assassins money!

  2. Go girl! Way to embrace YOU! :)

  3. This is AWESOME! And you DO look fantastic. Kim makes pants ROCK!!

  4. I've never understood why strangers feel the need to shout things. Particularly strangers in cars. It's like the anonymity of being in a vehicle gives them permission to be an asshole. I get self-conscious walking down the street, waiting for the next person who shouts "hey, look how fat she is!"

    The moral of the story: people suck. But not you, you're awesome.